The Edge of Maybe

Update

So, I've been having a very hard time believing that it is December, or Advent, or winter.  It gets cold in Tucson, but not horribly so.  And there is no snow, which is so sad.  But enough about the weather.

I have been super busy with delegations and YAV adventures, which has been good.  Last weekend we went up to Cascabel, a small rural community, for their annual Christmas fair.  The area is beautiful and full of down to earth people.  We volunteered with parking and the bake sale while listening to live bluegrass music, eating mesquite pancakes, and talking with some interesting people.  Last week was also a delegation for me from Rocky Mountain School of Expeditionary Learning.  This was one amazing group of high schoolers that brought so much interest, passion, and enthusiasm to our two days together.  Although the delegation was only on the U.S. side, we still did a lot: desert walk and trash pick-up, border history talk, immigration simulation, meeting with SEMILLAS (teachers from Central America and Mexico who are in the U.S. to study teaching pedagogy), trip to the Marana farm, talk about Sustainable Food, Operation Streamline (which was found to be unlawful!) and a vigil at El Tiradito sponsored by Derechos Humanos.  It was a busy week and took a lot of time to prepare, but went so well.

I've come to BorderLinks at a very interesting time: a time of changes.  With the economic situation as it is, BorderLinks as a non-profit, has been struggling to make ends meet.  We have lost delegations for fear of the violence on the border and swine flu in Mexico (which I want to remind people, happens everywhere), and people just aren't able to give as much as they used to.  So, we are losing a few of our dear co-workers and having to find creative ways to make ends meet.  I'd ask you to think about supporting BorderLinks in these efforts, either through donations, or thinking about coming on a BorderLinks delegation.

I've also gotten involved with Read Between the Bars in Tucson, a Books to Prisoners program.  I helped start a similar program in Beloit last year, which I dedicated a lot of energy to, so it is wonderful to have found a similar group.  There is an extensive library and there are always people looking for books.  If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to find local Books to Prisoners programs in your community and support them with donations of books, money, and/or time.

I'm getting excited to be coming back to Pittsburgh for Christmas.  It will be nice to see everyone and to have some time to hang out with family and friends.  Emily and Catie are also going back for the holidays, and I hope that it can be a time of relaxation and reflection for all of us.

The Edge of Maybe

Churches just celebrated the second week of Advent, the time of preparation and waiting for Christmas, the birth of Jesus.  Last Sunday, the pastor described Advent as the "time in between times. A time to look at what is dying and at what is being born--in us and in the world around us."  What an overwhelming but marvelous way to put it.

This struck with me because I feel somewhat in between times for myself.  I feel as if I am in a grey area: I just graduated from Beloit but I am not quite on my feet yet.  What is next?  What will I do?  Who will I be? Where will I go?  What is being stirred inside of me? What do I need in life?  What can I let go of?  What am I learning from this year? Advent is this wonderful time for me to be able to sit back and think about these things. I've learned that I really like translating and that I get a lot of joy out of communicating with people.  I like being active by riding my bike and hiking.  I like being around activists and creative people.  I need to let go of pessimism, impatience, and judgments.  I love to write, but don't do it enough.  I need a lot of alone time to feel balanced.  I like to have responsibilities.  Now, what this means for the future, I have no idea, but the process of reflection has helped so much.

So, I wanted to end this reflection with this poem by Ted Loder, I Tremble on the Edge of Maybe:

O God of beginnnings
As your Spirit moved
        Over the face of the deep
              On the first day of creation,
Move with me now
In my time of beginnings,
        When the air is rain-washed,
               The bloom is on the bush,
                     And the world seems fresh
                            And full of possibilities,
                                  And I feel ready and full.

I tremble on the edge of a maybe,
           A first time,
                 A new thing,
                       A tentative start,
And a wonder of it lays its finger on my lips.

In silence, Lord,
I share now my eagerness
            And my uneasiness
                  About this something different
                       I would be or do;
And I listen for your leading
             To help me separate the light
                   From the darkness
                       In the change I seek to shape
                            And which is shaping me.